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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.