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This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!