Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.