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Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.