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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.