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Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I`ll be out sick.
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.