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Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they`re leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.