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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.