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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Trust me, I am a liar.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.