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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`