Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I am used but in good condition.
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.