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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"