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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels