Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!