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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.