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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Math questions are so stupid! They’re like “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what do I have?” Oh I dunno, a drinking problem maybe?
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
drink beer ?? save water
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
Running behind is my cardio.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..