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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.