Daily Silly Status

I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.

Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn

At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!

Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.

Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....

Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody

You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.

Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.

I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it

You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.

So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.

Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....

One of us spends too much time on Facebook.

I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.

I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.