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The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Smooth move.........ExLax
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.