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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Of course I can keep a secret. It’s the people I tell it to who can’t.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.