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everybody has a girlfriend or boyfriend, and i`m just over here like `i love food`.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....