Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.