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Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?