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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.