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Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.