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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
If all the worlds a stage and the men and women merely players, how come Justin Bieber gets all the airtime?
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.