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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Find someone you`re good at.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.