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I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.