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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.