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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....