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My internet was down for almost 4 mins, Iām ok but the 911 operator was a total b!tch about it!
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
I didn`t get your text (phrase) - I got your text, I was just too lazy to respond.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"