Daily Silly Status

Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.

i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.

United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.

Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"

Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"

I’m tired of things costing money.

Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?

I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.

If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!

I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!

I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.

I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..

I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"

I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.

Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"