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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.