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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.