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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!