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Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.