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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Nice try speed bumps, it`s a rental.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.