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Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can’t wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie. 5% - That was a complete waste of money. 85% - I gotta pee!!
Soup of the day: Beer
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…