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No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
We all just sat there and watched as Pepe Le Pew tried to rape that cat. Shame on us.
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude