Daily Silly Status

So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.

To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?

Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?

I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"

you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere

Do bees even have knees?

We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...

I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.

You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.

Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.

Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.

All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??

People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m

I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.