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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.