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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.