Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.