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People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I just ran a .003048K