Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!