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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
I need new swear words.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.