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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
My house has really let itself go.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.