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10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...