Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
Iām bored enough to clean.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.