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I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
It should really be called teethpaste.