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You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.