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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"