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Three things Iām thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden