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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.