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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!