Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
So... Where does one obtain minions?