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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.