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Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don’t be mad, I’ll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.