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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.