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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.