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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Someone said to me earlier, "Your face looks very familiar". I said, "I know, I`ve had it a long time."
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.