Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...