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Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"