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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
My life is based on a true story
Long story short, I love summaries
Youth is wasted on the young.