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To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"