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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.
I drive safer when there`s food on my passenger seat than when there`s a person sitting there.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.