Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.