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Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
My winter wardrobe consists of my summer clothes layered on top of one and other.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.