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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So Iām off to find a bar with a mirror.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.