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Snoring is just God`s way of ensuring women hate their husbands while they sleep too.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.