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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks, “why don’t you eat all the food?”
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.