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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.