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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?