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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.