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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
I believe in love at first episode.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Why is it that the most interesting things in life usually aren`t in our best interest?
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Sorry I mispronounced your baby`s name you made up.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
When I text someone and they don`t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from the excitement.
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.