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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.