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My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
Back in my day we had 9 planets.