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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.