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Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.