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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
I`m sorry, we can`t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.