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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?
How long does it take to get obsessed?