Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.