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Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.