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When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.