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People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.