Daily Silly Status

I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.

If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.

I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.

Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.

once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..

Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.

I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.

I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy

The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.

People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.

I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.

Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.

I`ve given up on giving up.