Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
You do realize everyone can see your status right?
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!