Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I`m not crazy, but I am a carrier.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....