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There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
I`m pretty sure my laundry breeds while I sleep.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
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Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.